I like the lyrics and energy right off that bat, although the piece probably could’ve used more of an intro just to get the listener oriented a bit.
The mix feels a bit thin and constrained at times, especially the guitars and vocals. Did you equalize out the bass tones in the guitars? You might consider putting more of the mid-lows back in there, because otherwise they sound pretty constrained and artificial. It also might be the mic that’s making the output sound that way - it’s hard for me to tell.
Also, the vocals are a bit dry - I’d suggest layering on some reverb, compression, and maybe other mixing effects that give them some power. Your voice also sounds a tad strained at times - it might be that you’re singing near the top of your range, but even so a vocal coach could probably show you some exercises that make it easier to open up the sound even at a high register.
Like I said, I’m enjoying the lyrics, but sometimes you squeeze in a few too many syllables in one line (example: at :38, the frantic delivery of “you expect us to be okay with this” doesn’t really fit with the other lines in that phrase). I find it helpful to practice using fewer words when you need to in other writing contexts, even writing haikus.
The harmonic content gets a tad repetitive after a while. The spoken word vocals at 2:20 are a nice way of switching things up, but the overall chord progression and layout of the texture is pretty constant throughout. A solo or bridge earlier on could really help break up the long sections of similar vocal phrases and backing guitar. Part of the problem might also be that there isn’t a huge amount of contrast (in energy level, instrumentation, etc.) between the verses and the chorus here. That said, the keyboard solo at 3:18 is a great moment of structural relief, and I like that you are faintly talking through it in the background. I just wish it came a little earlier in the piece, which I think would give you a good opportunity to hammer home the message in the final chorus and layer on the guitar and keyboard at the same time.
Either way, the piece comes together well at the end. You have a good sense of progression, harmony, and mastering, and I can’t help but identify with the generational angst you express here. :) Keep at it, Realmaskband!
Mixing, mastering, and balance
1.5/2
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
1/1.5
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
1.75/2
Instrumentation and sound design
1/1
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
1.25/1.5
Originality and uniqueness
.75/1
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)
.75/1
Composite score
8/10