I like the quirky descending synth line at the beginning. It’s a little hard to follow the rhythm at :31 - sounds like the hi-hat isn’t quite keeping a regular beat. The piece is also pretty slow to progress, with the first major “point of arrival” being at 1:25. Even then, the contours of the melody at 1:25 are a bit bizarre - I’d suggest keeping the melody a bit simpler harmonically, especially since there are other harmonic elements in the texture simultaneously. If you’re going to aim for a “composite melody” type of situation, it should probably be later in the piece, after you’ve already introduced the motifs and melodic contours in that composite melody before.
The cutesy pitter-patter at 2:02 is nice, but once again the lead at 2:16 has a rhythm that’s very disorienting. I think you tried to do a bit too much with the meter there. I really like the rolled percussion at 3:15, although it hijacks the mix a bit too much - most of the synths are seriously ducking under there. I’d take a second look at the equalizers to make sure you don’t have any frequencies below 200 Hz or so in the harmonic instruments. The section at 5:04 is another one where the mix could use some more polish. Also, that section is very long and drawn-out, and melodically feels a bit directionless after a while.
The bright-sounding piano at 7:03 is a nice mellow way of hitting the piece home. Overall, I think you tried to get a little too fancy with the polyrhythms, and I would also like to see the melodies simultaneously be harmonically simpler and more dynamic in terms of pitch range. The sound design is enjoyable, as is the eerie mood.
There are a lot of good ideas here in isolation. The piece just doesn’t quite come together as a sum of its parts, so-to-speak. The pacing should be much faster at times so that there’s a stronger sense of narrative direction. I’d encourage you to keep working on this one, though. Consolidate some of these melodic ideas and scale back the experimental nature of the rhythm, and this easily gets a point or two back from me. Keep at it, dogsinmrimachines! ^_^
Mixing, mastering, and balance
1.25/2
Structure, transitions, phrasing, and variety
.5/1.5
Melody, tonality, harmony, and texture
1/2
Instrumentation and sound design
1/1
Emotion, atmosphere, and catchiness
1/1.5
Originality and uniqueness
.75/1
Overall (how do the elements above interact?)
.75/1
Composite score
6.25/10